The Jam-best Fanfiction Ever
by CinnamonDragon1
Summary: A tree spoils Jambette's view one morning and then stuff happens. Starring the sexiest frog of them all. Rated S for Stupid.
1. IT BEGINS

Jambette woke up at 6am, as all normals do. As she stepped out of her bed (adorned with blankets featuring her huge ass lips) she raised her butt and shook her thing a little. Then she sniffed the air and frowned in disgust.

"Hmm, dis air don't smell right- imma make it better!" Jambette said as she waddled towards a shelf, her fat booty swishing. She lit a stick and then she put it in a tray (her face was printed onto the tray). She stood back and inhaled the sticky, sweet smell.  
"Mmm hmm, dis be da smell of da pot."

Then she put some clothes on and went out.

* * *

Jambette sat on a tree stump in front of her ugly house and thought about what she should do that day. As she looked at the expanses of land in front of her, she noticed that something was amiss.  
"Dat tree's in ma way. Nothing gets in the way of ma sexeh view. Imma complain to da mayor..."  
Her plastic-surgery lips gaped in horror.  
"Oh no. Not da mayor!" she gasped. "Anything but that red haired _biatch_!"

Mayor Goatari (also known as G), was downright weird. Sure, she was cute and all, but she was CRAZY for Jambette. Anyone with a sense of decency would clearly see how damn ugly Jambette was. Unfortunately, Goatari wasn't one of those people. Jambette was grateful for the fact that Goatari subscribed to her... youtube channel... But Goatari's also your average yandere girl- she confuses love with obsession and she can be really creepy.  
If our ugly heroine went to Goatari's house, she would probably find Goatari at her computer drooling over some video of the flabby frog butt twerking for 10 hours or something.

"Oh mah gerd I have to go there. Even though that's da bitch- eugh!" Jambette waved her stubby arms in disgust and rose from the stump that was overheated by Jambette's butt.

"I ain't stripping for da bitch- nuh uh!" she said to herself as she weaved through trees and houses.


	2. Jambette makes a vlog

Jambette didn't want to ask Goatari to remove the tree so she decided to go to Leif's gardening store and buy an axe so she could cut the tree herself. The flabby green frog thought that was the best idea ever so she decided to (dear god) vlog about it.  
"Imma vlog about mah sexeh idea bruh." she said to herself as she pulled her ugly nokia brick phone out from her shirt. As she was about to start vlogging, she looked at herself and squinted.  
"Imma strip- I'm too sexeh for da world to see me in clothes."

Our ugly frog grabbed her shirt- and pulled it right off. She was so fat that nobody could tell where her frog tits were. Jambette nodded in satisfaction as she started to vlog.  
"Yo, sup mah homies. Imma go to da hippie sloth and buy an axe so I can cut dis tree- CROAKAY. Dis tree is a hater; it blocked mah view as i sat on a stump with mah sexeh lips on it. At first I thought I would have to go to dat biatch Goatari. But why would I, Jambette dah Sexeh, do dat? Imma take matters into mah own hands! Imma buy an axe! With mah own sexeh cash moneys BITCHES!"

Jambette finished vlogging as she stood at the bottom of the stairs leading to Main Street. That meant she was right on the train tracks! And a train was coming! Jambette turned her huge head and screamed like anyone who was about to get run over by a train. Somehow, the train pulled itself to a halt and the driver opened his window.  
"OH MY GOD! WHAT IS THAT THING?! I'm glad I stopped or else I would have a big green _stain_ on my train!"  
Jambette heard the driver and jumped inside the train. Her heavily makeup-ed face was angry.  
"I heard you were talking shit about _this_!" Jambette shoved her butt into the driver's face and stated twerking. "Yeah. who's the stain now bruh?!"  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! OH GOD NO! MAKE IT STOP!" The helpless driver screamed. "PORTER! DO SOMETHING!"  
Porter had his headphones on and he couldn't hear the driver's pleas for help because he was listening to a remix of the Teletubbies theme song- with his HEADPHONES on.  
"OH MY GOD PORTER NO! POOOORRRRTEEEERRRR!" The driver suffocated inside Jambette's butt and died.  
"Yeah! Dat's what you get bruh!" Jambette folded her little froggy arms in triumph and jumped out of the train. She swayed her hips as she waddled to Main Street.


	3. Sexy sea bass

Jambette miraculously put her clothes back on and strutted towards Leif's gardening store where she would get an axe and cut that stupid tree. As she peered into the glass windows, she could see Leif kissing a pot of weed.  
"Mwah mwah you make me so happy." the hippie sloth said to the weed. "I haven't been this happy since the 60's."  
Suddenly (oh my god the suspense)... JAMBETTE PUSHED THE DOOR DOWN WITH HER BOOBS BECAUSE SHE SAW THE WEED!  
"Bitch, that's mine, CROAKAY!" Jambette lunged towards the weed and ate it, smacking her huge lips as the weed slid into her mouth. Leif was so shocked and heartbroken he grabbed an axe and sped towards Jambette da Sexeh.  
"You ate my girlfriend you green... OGRE! Die!" Leif cried as he raised the axe.  
Jambette calmly put a green frog finger up "How much for your sexeh axe? I need to cut a tree."  
Leif stopped what he was doing and looked at the price tag. "Uhh. 400 bells."  
Jambette emptied her pockets and some sea bass fell out. She was poor as fuck. "Shit. Can't I give you my sexy fish?"  
"I run a business, you ugly piece of shit." Leif groaned. "I can't use your stinky cheap fish as a currency. And they're not sexy at all."  
Jambette put her stubby arms on her hips- she was trying to think hard for once in her life. THEN, a LIGHTBULB appeared over her head and she had an idea. Jambette wore a determined smug grin on her plastic-surgery lips as she smothered lipstick all over every sea bass.  
"How about now, hippie?"  
"How about no."  
Jambette used the lipstick to draw bikinis on the fish. "How about now?"  
"I'm telling you, you can't buy this axe with fish, no matter how much you draw on them."  
"But I'm poor."  
"Then get out of my store- shoo!" Leif pushed Jambette out of his shop.

"Fucking hippie sloth bitch." Jambette muttered to herself while jiggling her butt. Jambette looked up- and saw the police.  
Copper held a baton while Booker was looking at the sky. Booker was derpy while Copper was furious at Jambette.  
"YOU'RE UNDER ARREST FOR STRIPPING IN PUBLIC, HARASSING A TRAIN DRIVER WITH YOUR BUM AND KILLING THAT SAID DRIVER! COME WITH ME JAMBETTE!"  
"Aw shit." Jambette said as she got arrested. Booker was still staring at the sky for no reason.


End file.
